An Oldie But A Goodie!

We have had our first roach sighting in our new house. Yes, after being convinced my house had special roach protection barriers…we have roaches like everyone else. On this particular morning, I encountered our friend while taking a shower. It's not bad enough that I had to roll out of bed when I really didn't want to….oh no, and it's not bad enough that I was especially groggy and hazy eyed this morning. Un-cognizant of what was about to happen, I stepped into the shower and began shampooing my hair. And there he was a huge, 3 inch, loooong antenna-ed, prickly ugly legged, huge cockroach in all his nastiness. In MY bathtub! "What do I do, what do I do?" ran through my head. "Josh is still asleep. Soap is getting in my eyes. Oh shit."

Now remember with me if you will….once upon a time I was a very sensitive little girl. Once upon a time I would put all my energy into getting them out of the house alive, by method of the cup-magazine-trap or towel-shoo, rather than kill one of God's creatures. Once upon a time I cried when I smashed a roach in the doorway of my bedroom. I think mostly I was traumatized by the weird yellow chunky stuff that sprayed out everywhere than I was by the fact that I had just killed one of "God's creatures". It was horrible. So I cried, then got good 'ol mom to come clean it up! Thanks mom.

After I danced around the bathtub, running to one end as he ran toward me, then back to the other end as he slipped his way back toward me again….I knew something had to be done. And by the way, if you are thinking there is not enough room in a bathtub to run from one end to another---you should have seen it done this morning.

Plan A-1—Splash as much water on it as possible and make it go down the drain.
Plan A-2--Keep the shower head trained on the little bugger and force him down the drain.
Plan A-3—Drop something really heavy on him—not to kill God's creature…but just "stun" him a little, and shoo him down the drain.
"OK, it's getting late…SOMETHING has to be done. The shampoo is really burning my eyes."

I am starting to laugh a little now, a little embarrassed by myself. And I am really scared of that roach. But he looked a little scared too, judging by the way he kept trying to climb the sides of the tub, then slid back down all spread out trying to grab on to anything he could get his nasty little 6-inch claws and fangs onto. Ok, no fangs.
"This is going to make a great email today!" I am thinking to myself. I finally decide plan B.....

"JOOOOSSSH! I NEED YOU! I THINK THERE IS A ROACH IN THE BATHROOM".
Josh peeks his head around the corner, just as hazy and squinty eyed as I was 10 minutes ago, and says "Did I hear you say there is a roach in the bathroom?"
"Yes, and I don't know what to do and the soap is really in my eyes!!" Now mind you….I could have washed the soap out of my eyes but it was kind of hard to do that as I stood with one foot on that little-bitty ledge of the tub by the wall, and one foot on the outside edge and still keep both eyes on that sucker.

Josh spied "God's Creature" and squinched up his face more tightly and uglier than even the roach's and said "I HATE roaches, what do you want me to do?!"
Oh yes, my knight in shining armor was here.
Plan B-1—Whap it with a towel.
Plan B-2—Drop something really heavy on it…..again.
Plan B-3—Get a shoe.

Yes, we were bringing out the big guns now.
Flip flop in hand ("Why didn't he get a boot or tennis shoe or something…?"), it took three whacks, with my eyes closed so as to not see the chunky yellow stuff, and he lay twitching on his back.

The victors!
But wait…someone's got to pick it up, right?
One, two, three….NOT IT!
I laughed hysterically at our sorry selves as Josh went for toilet paper. Trying to find the right angle to grab it at, he decided to go back for more paper. Large wad in hand, it was hurriedly wrapped so as so not let any of the hand be exposed. Still trying to find the right angle…Josh goes to the trash can for reinforcements.

Still laughing hysterically (and still standing on the sides of the tub, mind you) I watch Josh come back with the wad PLUS a very convenient discarded soap box of which the roach was scooped right up in (ingenious!), and FLUSHED down the toilet! Thank God that is over.

As I scrambled to wash the soap out of my hair and eyes, EVERY and I mean EVERY last drop of water that fell out of the shower head made me jump out of my skin as soon as it hit me. I thought for sure he was back out of the pipe-graveyard to get me. He wasn't there, but I am still going to look inside the toilet each time before I sit down. You better believe that!