Return of the Attack Bird

What is it with my house and birds? Are we somehow sending out "come hither" vibes to these little feathered creatures? The last one tried to get us when it flew down the chimney and now this?

I had just said goodnight and gave kisses to Baby Joe and shut his bedroom door - Josh was still in there to lay him down. It was dusk so there was still sunlight out and I decided to run out front to check out the flowers and grab the mail. By the way, I planted some pink amaryllis from Josh's dad when he was thinning out his landscaping, and they are so pretty! They barely even have any leaves but just days after I planted the bulbs they started to put off long tall blooms. What satisfaction when transplants thrive! So I went to the front door.....turned the lock....opened the door....and *BAM* I was bombarded by those crazy attack birds...AGAIN. They darted in and out of the porch pecking at my eyes and screeching in my face. Apparently they had been sitting on my new pretty moss wreath and when I swung open the door we kinda ran into each other.

You didn't really believe that they were pecking at my eyes, did you? Cause I figured that most of you know better than to believe that but then I thought I better let you know I was just kidding. I did almost get whacked in the head from a fly by, it was really close - I imagine they were pretty scared when that door swung open and knocked their wreath-perch around a bit. So at that point I didn't know what it was but I hit the deck, I kid you not. I don't need nuthing, bird or fly or gnat or whatever, swooshing by my head thankyouverymuch.

I examined the wreath for nests and there wasn't anything, so I guess they were just hanging around for a breather, OR MAYBE stealing some of my lovely soft moss for their nest somewhere. I went about my business tending to the garden, getting a breath of fresh air, and appreciating the beautiful day. I went on back inside and Josh was still in with Joseph so I was all alone. All alone for the next attack. I was so unassuming. So naive. I thought it was all over. WHY couldn't it have been all over?!

I heard fluttering coming from the dinning room. It was pretty darn loud and I knew something wasn't right. Almost crawling on the ground so as to not leave my eyes vulnerable...I slowly peeked around the corner and saw a damn bird in the dinning room. Apparently the fly-by head swipe was a ploy to get his little friend in for the goods. More moss, I assume. Yeah I got their number, the little punks.

I sighed and shook my head, not even in a hurry to figure out what the heck to do. I knew I couldn't make a ruckus since Joseph was almost asleep - so I clearly wouldn't be able to attempt anything that would make me scream and jump and do the "just stepped on a slug" dance, like grabbing the bird then freaking out and screaming and end up dropping it anyway. I did seriously consider trying to grab it after I saw how futile the situation was - but I just didn't think I had it in me. But why?! I've held my brother's old pet bird, Snow White. I've been to a petting zoo before. The ducks down at the pond are some of my most faithful fans....I'm no stranger to a feather or two. Come on! Why so scared, girl?!?

The bird flew to the window - thank god - obviously trying to get out. I made a break for it right then and there! I ran outside and tore off the screen, all the while the poor bird was slamming into the window over and over. I ran back inside and closed the blinds so he was trapped behind them and unlocked the window. By this time he was sitting on the window seal and it couldn't have been more perfect. I slide the window open only a few inches and he was FREE!

Josh comes out, bleary eyed and blinking from entering the bright light after being in Joseph's dark room and I was bursting with pride in my accomplishment. I got to tell the story, play by play, how I went from confusion to fear to victor! Josh was like "...just now...? That happened just now while I was down the hall?" I told him that "Pshhh, it was no biggie...I mean, you were busy and all so I just went ahead and took care of it." My heart was still beating a little faster than normal.

Of course, I got my eye on that wreath. It's still there and I have no intention to take it down yet, but I sure don't appreciate the thanks I get for giving my little feathered friends a roost to chill out on. For the next few days, I sure did open the door slowly and sometimes gave it an extra hard shake to make sure I didn't get it in the face again like before.

A few days later a neighbor came knocking. She had a bird in her hands and said she needed help. Of course. Of course the time would come that I'd have to touch one and face my fear. Now was the time apparently. This bird was found hanging from her patio with string caught around both feet, so I guess when he tried to land the string hooked right on and he couldn't fly off. On one foot it was really tangled and seemed to be pulling back his "thumb" pretty badly. I grabbed my scissors and while she held him tight I started snipping...only having to touch his feet occasionally. I got most of the job done just holding on to the string. It's not like I have a true, rational fear of these little guys...I can only say that I just don't have the experience to make me desensitized to the "wild nature" of it all. Haven't I done enough?! Why am I suddenly the bird whisperer?!

Oh and how about this....we're just now getting around to capping the chimney from when this happened last time, and the guy that came out to give us an estimate said that they are probably black-chimney-swallows (or something like that, I can't remember exactly) and that they are protected by law when they nest in your chimney!! Ha! Doesn't that figure?! You can cap it while they're out and about, you just can't trap or kill them. I guess all I'll have to do is open the back door and they'll fly in the house, then the workmen can hurry up and cap the chimney. Or better yet, I can go stand in the back yard with my arms wide open in an embrace with the sky and I'm sure they'll come in flocks to land on me.

Hopefully this will be the last bird story I get to tell for awhile. Hopefully. Wish me luck.