Someone save me. This has been a hard morning...but it's only 1:30 so as I see it, there is still time for a big turn around. I woke up in a bad mood and it was downhill from there. I woke up in a bad mood yesterday too, but luckily Josh was around so it wasn't just me taking care of the the munchkin and struggling through. I think I just get caught up in the mundane side of motherhood and end up going through phases where I am SO irritable. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's the barometric pressure in the atmosphere...who knows. All I know is I hate it! I want to be happy and set a good example for Joseph. I don't want him to pick up my anger, sighs, "grrr's"....foulness...and I think that is really what bothers me the most - that I don't want him to learn how to be foul...from ME.
I know I am allowed bad moods, but man, what a waste of time. I could be working on solutions instead of dwelling on what is pissing me off. Why do we do that to ourselves? I could have cleaned the kitchen 10 times by now, instead of getting mad when I can't find something on the counter or have to clear a space to cut apple slices. I wish that I had better CONTROL of my feelings . When I feel mad about something I need to be able to confront it, acknowledge that it's valid to feel that way, but then let it go and move on. Don't let it build too much pressure! Come on, you're a grown woman!
So how about a little gratitude to finish this post off? How about ending on a positive note? Today I am grateful for my sanity. I could be a lot worse off, eh? I am grateful for my sons beautiful hair and that he lets me run my hand through it when we cuddle. I am grateful for apples that taste delicious and nourish our hungry tummies. I am grateful for the opportunity to stay home with Joseph instead of sending him to day care and heading off to a job that doesn't feed my soul. And mostly I am grateful for the big blue eyes that look up at me, and want to be picked up and hugged, even after I have a mommy breakdown and get kind of crazy. Talk about unconditional love...that's all he knows how to do. He's has no concept of hate or rage or feeling out of control. All he knows how to do is love, and if that isn't enough for me to be grateful about for a long time, then I don't know what is.
Monday, April 13, 2009
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6 comments:
oooohhhh weeeee!! some days I have to write a few gratitude lists. I usually write down 10 things & its actually cool to go back and look at them later in the week. My lists tend to evolve & sometimes reverse LOL!!!!
I'm glad your at home with that sweet guy too! He may learn that we all have feelings & bad days from you, but at least its not from someone else who doesn't love him & might act really crazy with him around :0)
You're a good Mommy! All one has to do is look at that sweet baby smile to know his family loves him. His aunt sure does!!!!!!!!
EVERY Mom has those days! It's just part of the job... argh!!
Awww HO, I'm sorry. I'll be saying a prayer for you. :)
Hope you don't think you are the only one that has bad days....for no reason that you can discern. Happens to all of us. Then we pick ourselves up and keep on going. Thank goodness we have each other to vent to.
you are most definitely allowed bad days and bad moods. we're mommies but we are human! thanks for giving it some perspective. you are already on the right foot.
Where's my kleenex box?? Sniff sniff. That was a great ending to that post. I didn't think us mommies never had days like that. We all do. But nothing makes us turn that bad mood around better than seeing our sweet children look up at us with that unconditional love and guidance they crave from us. You're the greatest mommy I've seen and I know Joseph knows he's a lucky boy.
And yes, thank God most of all that we get to stay home w/ our boys. Our bad moods are surely better than some stranger's bad moods who could care less what the children see or hear. Keep up the great work!!
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