The sleep that flits on baby's eyes - does anybody know from where it comes? Yes, there is a rumour that it has its dwelling where, in the fairy village among shadows of the forest dimly lit with glow-worms, there hang two timid buds of enchantment. From there it comes to kiss baby's eyes.

The smile that flickers on baby's lips when he sleeps - does anybody know where it was born? Yes, there is a rumour that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born in the dream of a dew-washed morning - the smile that flickers on baby's lips when he sleeps.

The sweet, soft freshness that blooms on baby's limbs - does anybody know where it was hidden so long? Yes, when the mother was a young girl it lay pervading her heart in tender and silent mystery of love - the sweet, soft freshness that has bloomed on baby's limbs.

-Rabindranath Tagore, Bengali Poet, no. 61

Here's Preggo!

Here is my tummy, pooching out! There is a baby in there!

Week 16 and Gettin' a Round Belly!

Oh my, my- we have to watch our language, now! We have been waiting for this day for weeks. Our baby can hear mommy and daddy's voices! I do feel bad for both the baby and Josh that they will have to listen to me sing all the nursery rhymes now, but at least the baby won't know any better.

Tiny bones in Baby's ears are in place this week, making it likely that the he or she can hear our voice when we're speaking (or singing in the shower). In fact, studies have found that babies who are sung to while they're in the womb recognize the same tune when it's sung to them after they are born.

And Baby's busily boning up in other ways. For one, the backbone (along with the back muscles) is stronger now — strong enough, in fact, to enable our baby to work on straightening his or her head and neck even more. Baby's crown-to-rump measurement is between four and five inches in length, and weight is hovering around three ounces.

This little one's a looker — with a face that has both eyebrows and eyelashes — but a skinny looker since there's no baby fat yet. And here's the skinny on baby skin: It's practically translucent now, so if I took a peek inside my uterus, I'd be able to see our baby's blood vessels under that thin skin. Weird! Beautiful I am sure (in a miracle sort of way), but weird!

Our latest appointment with Dr. Ryder was great! She was busy delivering two babies so we had to wait a while to be seen. But our patience paid off and since we were the last patients...we got to play with the ultrasound machine! (We were "patient patients" hahaha! Whooo-wee I crack myself up!) We were not scheduled for one this time, but she told us she would do it for the fun of it! And it was sooo fun...we got to see a perfectly formed left hand with five tiny fingers. It was waving all over the place. We saw a very Darth Vader-esque face with big black eyes and a scary nose and mouth. But the profile was so sweet...and the baby is starting to get enough tissue to actually see the little nose and lips (VERY faintly, mind you, but it's there).

So next time would have been the "BIG ultrasound" where they can try to see if it is a boy or a girl. We are sticking with wanting to be surprised! I just can't imagine it any other way than finding out after hours of labor. It seems like we're cheating if we find out before hand. I never was a cheater!

I am surprised at my little baby bump that is appearing, and I am starting to feel affection for the little round belly I see. And it makes my legs look skinnier. I've moved into maternity clothing, although there is a pair of "before" jeans I can still wear, and I am much more comfortable! It was a hard move, though, knowing that I had to do it because I was getting BIG. Heavens knows no woman wants to move up in clothing size. Mom was great and helped ease me in with a Mother-Daughter shopping trip last weekend. We had a great time!

I could go on and on but until next time, much love to all! Have a great week!

Off to the Doctor!

Josh and I have a doctor's appointment today! We will not be having a sonogram...this is more of a mommy check up.

Funny though, it has rained every appointment we've had so far. Is that a sign? Josh just emailed and said the forecast is for rain in the next couple of hours. Hmm...will it make it on time? It will be a little too freaky if it keeps this up. Does that mean we are having a rainmaker baby?

We are starting to get some pretty firm ideas for our nursey. We like a vintage circus theme. I've found some of the sweetest fabric and I can't wait to get crackin' on it all! I visited my dad's attic (scary!) and found my old hobby horse--who looks pretty "vintage" these days (the horse, not dad). He needs a good cleaning (the horse, not dad) and I think we'll change out his shag carpet body for new carpet and some extra padding. He is the sweetest rocking horse ever and I have many fond memories of him!

It's almost time to go see Dr. Ryder! I hope I check out ok!

***Love to all!***

There's A Fungus Among Us

I found this in the yard this weekend and thought it looked very peculiar and couldn't figure what in the heck it was. Well, on my weekly browse through Tom Volk's Fungi website, http://tomvolkfungi.net/ I thought I found what it was. The first picture is what I found and the second picture is from Tom's website.

Ok, so we (I) rushed outside to see if what I'd seen was still there and it was! It was a bonfide "Dog Stinkhorn" fungi! I was sure of it. Josh is skeptical at this point and tells me it looks an awful lot like a pepper. But NO! This was no pepper! I had done my research! This was Mutinus caninus! As we poked and prodded, though...I, too, started to think it looked an awful lot like a pepper. But....what in the heck was a pepper doing in our front yard?? Then we saw it...and my dreams were crushed...there were pepper seeds inside. Oh poo--I guess I'll have to hunt for fungi elsewhere.

This morning I've looked into the dog stinkhorn a little more and found that what we had doesn't look similar to it after all. See below:

I wish we HAD found a dog stinkhorn though because they look kinda funny! Very similar to a....a...well...ahem, anyway...so that's where they got their name from. Yes, I see now.

This whole episode has inspired me to be a fungi hunter. We have had such an exciting time with our new bark mulch and all the rain. Apparently fungi LOVES bark mulch and for awhile now we've been amazed at what keeps popping up. I don't have anything as exciting as my pepperus orangus fungi as of late so in the mean time we'll keep an eye out and a camera ready!

***Have a Wonderful Weekend!***

Oh Baby, Week 14

Growing by leaps and bounds, our baby is leaping and bounding. He or she is on the move almost constantly — and those movements are a far cry from those jerky twitches of last trimester (though I won't feel any of them for weeks to come). They are now ballet-like, smooth and fluid--we have a little dancer already! If you could catch a glimpse of our fetus now, you'd see a baby the size of your clenched fist--a skill, by the way, our little one now has--so maybe we have a boxer instead. Your baby also has the coordination, strength, and smarts to wiggle his or her fingers and toes and even suck a thumb (how cute is that?).

It'll be years before we'll start nagging our offspring to stand up straight — but unbelievably, he or she is doing it right now, without any prodding! No slouch anymore, our baby's neck is getting longer and his or her head is getting more erect (giving a more straightened-out appearance). And speaking of that head, our baby could be sprouting some hair (though the final color may not be determined until birth) and the eyebrows are filling in, too.

Hair growth isn't limited to the baby's head, though. He or she is also covered with a downy coating of hair called lanugo, largely there for warmth. As fat accumulates later on in my pregnancy (the baby's fat, not mine — though that will accumulate, too), most of the lanugo will shed — though some babies, especially those born early, still have a fuzzy coating at delivery (it sheds soon afterward). Tammy (mother of two) loves this sweet little lanugo "peach fuzz" and I hope I can catch some still on my little one, too!

I can't make my own growth and experiences sound as positive as the baby's right now, though. I am back into the "please don't talk, your voice is really irritating" stage. God, that sounds so horrible! I am quite uncomfortable most of the time. I hate socks and also have a problem with my toes most days. I don't know why exactly (we'll call this phenomenon "preggo's prerogative") but I wish my feet would just go away! I hate having sleeves on, and frankly, I can see how people like Britany are driven to shaving their heads....my hair feels sooo uncomfortable right now!

So, in my past experiences this will be over any minute and rainbows and butterflies will be coming out of my a**, and all will be hunky dory. But until then Taco Bell and Pepsi are all that sound good to me (since WHEN have I ever liked Pepsi????!) and please don't give me any pregnancy advice! Why, oh, why do people feel the need to do that? And constantly gage the growth of your waist line? Oh my--that is a whole other blog, folks!

***Rainbows & Butterflies and Beef Supreme Gorditas to ALL!***

Nostalgia vs. Memory

"Nostalgia is a universal experience, present and prevalent across the lifespan." (Handbook of Experimental Existential Psychology, Jeff Greenberg)

For me, nostalgia has always been a positive, invited feeling. I started reading about nostalgia and the psychology of it. I was curious as to why it is a distinct feeling that you get from some memories and not from others. At least it is for me. Actually more specifically it occurs when something sensory triggers a memory or distinct feeling, not vice versa. Is it that I've made my own definition of nostalgia that suites what I feel when I hear a certain sound or smell a particular smell. Do we all have the same definition of nostalgia? In reading a chapter online from the above book, apparently nostalgia has been around since the days of Homer 2,800 years ago. The ideas of what exactly it means have varied and evolved though.

There is a whole different neurobiological explanation but my eyes kind of glazed over on that website! The term is of Greek origin. In "The Odyssey", Odysseus was plagued with being homesick and wished to return (nostos) home. Because of his longing to return home, he was afflicted with unbearable suffering (algos). The term nostalgia was coined by the Swiss Physician Johannes Hoffer. It then was used to describe a medical disorder or neurological disease associated with soldiers' debilatating homesickness.
The definition of nostalgia as a medical disorder persisted in the 18th and 19th centuries. By the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century, the definition of nostalgia had shifted from brain to psychiatric or psychosomatic disorder relating to melancholia. And now, the New Oxford Dictionary of English defines nostalgia as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations”.

Then you have a whole bunch of other conceptual issues and existential functions...I don't even know what that means, I just thought the phrase sounded good! There are the structure and functions of the emotion: Is it an emotion? Is it positive, negative or bittersweet emotion? There are studies on it's emotional implications, and is it different from autobiographical memory (your own personal representation of your history) and what triggers it? Anyway, after reading the rest of the chapter I still believe that nostalgia and memory and such are very interesting and it simply amazes me how the brain and it's psychosomatic corners do all this "stuff".

I like nostalgia. It keeps me close to the great plastic smell of my new toys at Christmas when I was a kid. And it reminds me of the pleasure of smelling mom's old perfume...even though I can't quite place the name or time...I know that it was mom. The breeze, just sometimes, when it is just right and I am in the right place, leaves me laying on the bed I shared with my sister and the light pink curtains that were tied back over the rod to let the air through the open window. And one of my most vibrant ones, that occur a little more often than the others, is the pure pleasure of a very particular occasion. It's when the sunshine is bright and the temperature is warm, the breeze is almost still and the air is very quiet. To you it would best be described as mid afternoon on a summerish day, when the neighborhood is napping and you are alone with your thoughts. To me it is so much more because it is not just a memory...when it is just right then it is that feeling reserved for only the most significant moments--nostalgia.

I guess I totally understand what inspired over 300 years of scholarly research on this mysterious sensation.

***Nostalgic and Happy Times to All!***

On The Border With Peter

From Mom:

"Spoke with Peter tonight and he is very upbeat and excited about his new adventure. Said, "It's what I have always wanted to do". He said he is working with a really good bunch of guys and they have really taken him in and made him feel like he's just one of the guys. His apt is right downtown and on the "3rd" floor and he owes some of them really, really big for helping him move in. His electricity is turned on but he doesn't have any water(maybe it is the other way around) so he is staying with one of the other agents until everything is on which should be Thursday. He's eager to get his apt organized and do some home cooking. He's not too happy about eating out all the time. Apparently his apt is a throwback to the '60's with orange shag carpeting and orange cabinet tops and a lot of wood paneling but it is really big and will suffice for now. If he starts acting like a hippy we'll know why.

The first 2 days have been filled with a lot of paperwork and he is eager to start his regular work. He's going with someone to observe the Grand Jury process tomorrow. The guys he works with tell him to relax and enjoy the down time because it will get real busy soon enough. He has been issued his G car or whatever he calls it, his government vehicle. I didn't ask him what it was but I'm sure it is something like the Batmobile. Ha!!

Eagle Pass has really impressed him. He said the downtown is just like he expected of a Mexican town but the area is very modern also with Cinemark theatre, shopping malls with popular stores and a super Wal-mart and has schools that are known for their excellence."

Let's keep him in our thoughts and prayers!

Quick Baby Update: Our Gummi Bear Turned Into a Peach!

Our fetus is now about three inches long and the size of a peach. But don't compare our fetus with the fetus next door. Starting about now, babies begin growing at different paces, some faster than others, some more slowly, though they all follow the same developmental path.

Growing at a universally breakneck speed now is our baby's body as it tries to catch up to the head in terms of size. Though our baby's head is about half the size of its body now, by the time our baby is ready to make his or her entrance into the world, the head will be only one-fourth as large as the body.

Our baby's intestines are also in for some big changes right now. Up till this point, they've been growing in a cavity inside the umbilical cord; but now they're moving to their permanent (and more conveniently located) address, in our baby's abdomen. And to serve our growing baby's needs, the placenta is also growing. It weighs about an ounce now and will weigh one to two pounds at birth (two pounds? Wow! Something else I'll soon be able to blame my weight gain on!).

Also developing this week: our baby's vocal chords. Because sound can't travel through fluid (our baby's current habitat), we won't be able to hear any sounds or cries just yet, but oh boy (or girl) — those vocal chords will get a good workout once that baby is born!

I have been feeling simply divine and not pooching out too much in the tummy region. There may be a little something there but it is still hard to tell. Josh has been great, too...with his "helpful" reminders to roll over when he sees me on my back or stomach...in the middle of the night...asleep...no matter what time. Yes, helpful indeed! But in all seriousness this will just help me adjust to side-only sleeping once I get a little bigger. I can't sleep on my back because it restricts my inferior vena cava and can decrease blood flow to both me and our baby. I can't sleep on my stomach because, well...that just won't work, as you can imagine.

I actually got out and planted some tomatoes, dill, parsley, and basil yesterday (thanks Michael and Tammy for the plants!) and I can't wait for some homegrown tomatoes! Tomatoes in salt and pepper and drizzled in olive oil is often an appetizer in my house. I am going to have to have a serious talk with that baby and tell him that not liking veggies is NOT an option in our family! And thank goodness for all the rain. Lake Lavon is well over our limit and so we should hopefully be ready for the July/August drought season. Please stay conscious of watering since most of our yards are soaked and will be good for several weeks!!

So, my quick update turned not-so-quick. Ooops. I guess the moment moved me! On that note-I am running off to lunch and guess what? I think I am splurging today and getting either tacos or a hamburger from the food court here at work! I am such a glutton for punishment--I guess I better get ready and take my Pepcid now. Ahh...

***Hamburgers with the works and Sunshine to All!***

Cancun, Quintana Roo, Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico

Slept, ate, ate, slept, shopped, read, relaxed, ate. Viva Mexico!

The whole crew!

Uncle Sid had a hard day at the beach.

Wait...I still see some meat on there!


Bike riding in style...!

This guy belonged in a circus!

The peppers were a little hot for his taste.

Margaritas and mole...maybe not such a great combo.

Click to make this one larger-- this face made even me laugh!

We had to drag Adam away from the Karaoke stage.

Almost of out my first trimester! I just want the baby to be here, but at the same time I am saying "that was fast!" All of our baby's organs are there and now everything will start to run on it's own and continue maturing. The placenta is still developing and will be mission control for the baby for the next six months.

This weekend, I was bushed so I layed on the couch for a breather. Connor came over and wanted to see the baby...and patted my belly and said hi. Actually, what he really said was "this is your fatness"! Haha! It's a good thing four year olds don't offend me!

Spray On, Spray Off...

I went yesterday, amid my stomach aches and light headedness, to get air brushed tanned! I feel as though I must share this story. For the better of all fake tanner-kind. This was actually my trial run for the Cancun trip next weekend. I thought I had better make sure it looked good in Dallas before I set sail for the beaches of Cancun. The salon was by appoinment only and was historically quaint, with it's hardwood floors and exposed brick walls. The "sprayer" did not greet me, though, as she sat visiting with a friend. She opened the curtain to one of two little spray areas and finally looked my way and said "Ok, go ahead!" I guess I am not cool anymore since I am not in the know of how these things work. Forgive me Miss Spray Lady! I said that I had never been there before or been airbrushed and didn't know what to do. Gasp!

So, moments later and a "few" instructions later, I was on my way to being sprayed. She zipped right around me and I feared my streaky, orange, stained hands/feet/elbows days were returning before my very eyes! After only minutes, I moved (under cover) to the next area to stand and oscillate before a fan to dry me up. It's official...I was scared! Oh and by the way, she forgot to do my face until I asked her if she does faces too. That might have looked funny!

At 9:30 last night I was well on my way to being tan! I liked it so far and almost thought that maybe I should go against her advice and go ahead and shower to knock that crap off. This morning...for the MOST part...everything looks very nice! My only complaint, and exactly the reason I would never do it again, is my hands and feet look horrendous! It looks like I did it myself! My elbows are big dark streaky spots! OH the humanity! Seriously, the face is way better than I could have ever done, but the feet and hands are simply NOT vacation material. Not for $35 it cost me anyway! Back to au natural!

**Love and Tans to All!**

And a Happy Mother's Day It Was!

We met yesterday at Pappasito's Cantina with the whole dang family. What a bunch of crazy's we are. I bet waiters see us coming and get that deer in the head lights look. I mean a party of 10 adults with a bunch of little kids should rightfully scare any waiter. The highlight of the lunch was when the waiter was leaning over Lil' David's head to hand a coke to Josh. David started laughing at Jessie and threw his head back, unbeknownst to him there was the tray there. So he smacked his head (pretty hard) on the tray causing the waiter to spill the tray with three other drinks on it! The glasses shattered and Big David, who was sitting next to Lil' David, got a tray full of ice and Sprite down his whole back and in his shorts! A poor little toddler at the table behind them even got it in his booster seat, too. Oh my god, as bad as we should've felt over the whole thing...we couldn't stop laughing! The whole bunch of us was rolling!

So, a change of clothes and a delicious meal later, we made it through lunch! Everyone was so excited to be celebrating Mommy-to-be-Day with me for the first time. Or maybe I was so excited I just couldn't tell the difference! I got some beautiful homemade earrings from Tammy and a What to Expect the First Year book. Shannon and family gave me a Starbucks gift card and What to Expect the Toddlers Years book. And Mom gave us all albums to scrap in! Josh got me lovely BIG new purse that I wanted. Yes, the more space to fill up with crap!

We got the baby's room cleaned out this weekend. Now we (we=Josh) can re-texture to match the rest of the house and "we" can paint soon. I am ready to start hitting up the resale shops and garage sales for baby furniture that we can paint or refinish. But I guess that will be about it until we know what sex the baby is. We are debating waiting until birth to find out! In the meantime, we have a nice big recliner that rocks to use in the nursery...I just need to clean it up real good.

So, here we are on Monday everyone. Hope I can make it through the week without bitting anyones head off! I about had a seizure on the train this morning willing the guy next to me to stop tapping his fingers!! Crazy preggo!

See ya!

Day 48, Week 9, 218 Days to Go!

Hey ya'll! I thought I take a break from my morning gossip websites to fill you in on the babe in my belly. These days a lot is happening. The structures of the baby’s eyes are now well developed, although not strong enough to do any visual processing yet. The tongue is beginning to develop. The external ear canal is present and the ears are set low on the baby's head. They will not stay low set though, as everything progresses structures get moved around from one place to another. The ears will move up and eventually the eyes will too, as now they are set to the side like rabbit's eyes. Our baby measures almost 3/4 of an inch. And even though our baby is sitting in my amniotic fluid, the baby won't drown! Our baby is getting it's oxygen from me through the umbilical cord. No wonder I have been so out of breath lately! Ha!

In other news, we have been getting TONS of rain, praise Mother Nature! I've been keeping up with the Army Corp of Engineers Lake Lavon levels and we are looking good! Last week we were not quite 10 feet under and now we are only TWO FEET under the conservation pool level. Not that I want to go and waste a bunch of water, or not have to feel guilty about our bathroom leak...but this is really a relief with the Texas summer coming up. It stresses me out wondering if we have enough water in this day and age. We should really be conscious of our water usage and other environmental issues. And all the rain must explain the burst of growth from all my plants. The ferns and begonias are particularly beautiful right now.
Tre magnifique!

Signing off for now,
Love to All

The Grump and The Prince

I am going through a lovely grump stage right now. I hate doing anything and everything. I am in a really bad mood in the morning which may get better by afternoon, but usually not. I couldn't smile if someone paid me to. But ofcourse, I would do it again in a New York minute!

In the meantime, Prince Josh has jumped into action. Offering to move around night lights for me in the middle of the night when I claim it's too dark in the bathroom. One of my favorites is how he will be sure and close the bathroom door since the dripping facuet has "apparently" amplified in my 8th week and I cannot sleep with it dripping. It sounds like a freaking waterfall! And he is really good at just being there when I start crying because I don't know what I want for dinner. What is wrong with me??!! AGH!

So, I believe our trip to Cancun at the end of the month will be much needed. Especially since it is all I can do to get up for work in the morning. I can sleep in late and lounge at the beach, and hopefully this grump phase will be over ASAP! Yes, that's it...I needed a perscription for a big dose of Mexico! Now, if dinner made me cry, I wonder how it will be going shopping to find a bigger bathing suit?

Because of all the rapid development, our baby's head is now much larger than it's trunk and bent over a bump of tissue that contains the developing heart. Over the next two days, the neck and trunk will begin to straighten (remember, prior to this point, our embryonic baby has been shaped like a C). Also, within the next two days, the hand plates will develop ridges indicating where our baby's fingers and thumbs wil be. As the process of forming the digital ridges continues, the baby's hands will look like the shell of a scallop.

Fun quote of the day:
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
--Old English Proverb

There Was Only One in There!

It was a success! We saw the heart beat! And for Josh there was a sigh of relief as we only saw ONE heart beat! Actually we joked about twins a lot but I would be all for it so as to knock out two at once. We got little pictures of the little bean but no video tape. Apparently, "they don't use that technology anymore"! First I was and little offended because I still have "that technology" in my home, and second...what do they mean?? How on earth was it ok with everyone to stop taping the sonograms?? I want to be able to watch that whenever I want for goodness sakes! I think that they forgot that this is my first little baby and I should get what I want! But I'm starting to come to terms with it and little still life pictures will be fine. I just want the little guy or girl in my arms already more than anything.

I got to snuggle up Alicia's new baby, Carmen Jules. Lucky for me, she was born the day before my appointment at the same hospital! So, I ran over there when I was done. She has the sweetest little lips and fingers and big round eyes! I can't wait to watch her grow with our little one. I've known Alicia since elementary school days...so it's becoming more and more clear, we are all grown up!

Real quick--shout out to Grandma Pankratz who had a total knee replacement on Monday. She is doing well and already starting physical therapy. I think nights are rough due to the pain, but Mom is there with her so her support team is the best there is! Our prayers and thoughts are with you.

**Best wishes to all!**

Raspberries are Good!

How's our baby measuring up this week? At a length of about half an inch right now, our baby has graduated from blueberry-sized to raspberry-sized. But weekly growth is getting a bit hard to estimate, and here's why: Growth occurs at about the rate of one millimeter each day, but that growth isn't necessarily just in height. Spurts can occur in the arms, legs, back, and other parts of our baby's body. So, big changes will be occurring every which way in the coming months.

What else is changing right now? A close-up view of our little embryo (say cheese!) would reveal a more baby-like appearance (and thankfully, a less reptilian one). You'd see an upper lip forming, the protruding tip of that cute button nose, and tiny (and very thin) eyelids. And check out those hands and feet! Our baby's webbed fingers and toes are differentiating now.

All this growing is exciting for our baby too. His or her heart is beating at the incredible rate of 150 times per minute. (That's twice as fast as our hearts beat.) Our baby's digs are growing, too. Amniotic fluid increases at a rate of about two tablespoons per week to accommodate my womb's growing tenant. (Gotta drink lots and lots of water!)

We have an appointment today at 1:00 and we will see the heart beat! I have my video cassette all ready to go so we can record this madness to share with everyone!

**Love, Heather**

Pictures From Samuell Farm and Connor's Fourth Birthday

Wordless Wednesday: Sometimes There Are Just No Words...!